Muslim Women Talk About Genuine Female Friendships and Red Flags • The Muslim Women TImes

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Genuine feminine friendships are like remedy, solely higher since you’re not paying for it!

Umaymah Abdullahi

Of the various issues that grow to be extra sophisticated as girls get older, feminine friendships look like the one life ingredient with out which many can not thrive. It will get so sophisticated with time, leaving many individuals feeling conflicted and lonely. Sometimes, after a few years of doing the whole lot and rising collectively, the heartbreak that comes with an abrupt finish of a friendship turns into so troublesome to get better from. Against the widespread narrative that ladies are girls’s worst enemies, the dialog round what makes real friendships amongst girls has grow to be a endless one. Every human is a social being and since we’re invested within the sociology and dynamics of platonic feminine friendships, we spoke with quite a lot of Muslim girls on what deep significant feminine friendships imply to them, and right here’s what they mentioned:

Umaymah Abdullahi, Abuja Nigeria

TMWT: What is your definition of real feminine friendship? Have you skilled it? and the way has it made you are feeling?

Umaymah Abdullahi: For me, friendship is a spot the place I can discover honesty, belief and help. Six years in the past, when my life rotated and a few of my buddies have been going by a number of private upheavals, I used to be capable of sift the chaff from the grain. As girls in our forties, our children have been youngsters, our husbands have been getting antsy with midlife disaster and a few of our mother and father have been changing into sick and dying, we bonded in a means solely identified in goals and now I realise it’s the mercy of Allah that He gave us one thing to carry on to. Our friendship was solid from tahajjud prayers, shared du’as, joint fasting and charity tasks. We advise one another, consolation one another and when mandatory, we stage interventions for one another. It made me really feel like even after I was within the depths of despair, I had somebody to name or message anytime who will inform me ‘it’s going to be okay, Allah has obtained you’.

TMWT: What are some friendship pink flags you’ll advise girls to watch out for?

Umaymah Abdullahi: The primary Red flag in any friendship is dishonesty. A pal ought to have the ability to let you know painful info when want be. A pal will allow you to see what you don’t see in your self and encourage you to achieve for larger heights. A pal is somebody who ought to convey out the “you” in you, by no means making you uncomfortable or placing up a present round you.

TMWT: How do you assume real friendships may also help to enhance our lives as girls?

Umaymah Abdullahi: Genuine friendships are like remedy for girls, solely higher since you’re not paying for it!

On a critical notice, you’ll be able to name your pal within the worst state of your paranoia and ask for those who’re fooling around and your pal(s) will discuss you thru your emotions and assist sift what’s legitimate and what’s not. A chat with your folks ALWAYS makes you are feeling higher, It’s a balm to your coronary heart when you already know you’re accepted, beloved and revered by a pal and also you prolong the identical to her or them. I believe feminine friendships are one of many best blessings of Allah for girls and I counsel us all to proceed to make buddies and join with them. There’s one thing to study from everybody, younger or previous, educated or not. And you’d be stunned who turns into your pal and helps you if you want it most and likewise who you’re capable of assist.

Envy and jealousy are issues that all of us naturally really feel but it surely’s additionally an indication that the particular person feeling this fashion has some interior work to do.

– Salma Begum

Salma Begum, Manchester, UK

TMWT: What is your definition of real feminine friendship? What does it seem like?

Salma Begum: Female friendship, by my definition, is a spot the place you determine a deep connection and bond with one other lady. It’s a spot the place you discover mutual appreciation and love for each other, the place you’ll be able to really feel such as you’ve obtained a sister though you aren’t associated by blood. It’s the sensation of discovering consolation in one other. A superb pal is somebody you’ll be able to share your sorrows and joys with, somebody you’ll be able to share your success and losses with, somebody who will supply help in no matter methods they will simply because they love and look after you.

TMWT: Have you skilled it? and How has it made you are feeling?

Salma Begum: I’m blessed with real friendships; buddies I can cry to after I’ve obtained issues and who make me really feel validated and seen in my struggles. We do brunch collectively to atone for life and chortle until our bellies harm, drop off a dish we cooked and get one thing else in return in that butter tub. I can provide them constructive criticism and recommendation with good intentions. I’m there to catch them or pull them up every time they’re about to fall. I really feel beloved every time they reward me well-thought-out presents to rejoice my wins. My buddies and I’ve deep life conversations on evening drives and ponder our existence. It’s the sensation of being appreciated and valued for merely current as myself. It’s feeling like my eid plans can be nice and I’ll have an incredible day to stay up for. It’s understanding I can borrow an outfit for a marriage I didn’t have time to arrange for. It’s a “give and take” relationship; a mutually useful one we will all cherish, understanding it’s protected for us to retreat from it and thrive in it.

TMWT: What are some friendship pink flags you’ll advise girls to watch out for?

Salma Begum: Some pink flags I’d advise girls to concentrate on in friendships are fairly a couple of. Beware of ladies who continuously have a look at others and gossip, who continuously search for faults in others and choose negatively. If they gossip with you, they will gossip about you. Another one to look out for is consistently desirous to vent and have a rant as a right of your emotions or your specific state of affairs, as an illustration, calling or texting late at evening simply to vent, regardless of whether or not you’re going by a tricky time. We all want wholesome retailers, counselling or a dialog at an acceptable time once we may be current and accessible. But being a pal doesn’t make you an emotional vortex for a negativity dump. This will actually drain you because you’re going to be absorbing a number of unfavorable vitality. Another pink flag is when a pal isn’t supportive of your wins and successes and isn’t constructive if you share information or plans or issues you could have achieved. It may be rooted in envy. Envy and jealousy are issues that all of us naturally really feel but it surely’s additionally an indication that the particular person feeling this fashion has some interior work to do. Oftentimes, you discover strangers extra supportive of you than your individual family and friends, which is one thing to look out for as a way to recognise who’s rooting for you and who isn’t.

TMWT: How do you assume real friendships may also help to enhance our lives as girls?

Salma Begum: Bell hooks as soon as mentioned that “friendship is the place in which a great majority of us have our first glimpse of redemptive love and caring community. Learning to love in friendships empowers us in ways that enable us to bring this love to other interactions with family or with romantic bonds.” Genuine friendships assist us, girls, in our total properly being, in our emotional and psychological well being and to have a protected house to get issues off our chest. It’s a aid to be comforted and everybody has this want. It offers you an lively social life the place you are able to do belongings you get pleasure from and have somebody to share with. It will improve your confidence and enhance your vanity when you could have buddies who cheer for you and help you.

Queen Raffy

TMWT: What is your definition of real feminine friendship? What does it seem like?

Queen Raffy: Genuine feminine friendships are areas the place we’re capable of discuss, chortle and be trustworthy with one another in regards to the issues that matter to us. It is a relationship the place we rejoice our wins and are additionally snug sufficient to cry collectively a couple of loss that one particular person suffers. It is a friendship the place I’m not afraid to inform the opposite particular person precisely what I believe and the way I really feel, though they might not agree. It is an area the place they’re open to listening to me out and likewise letting me perceive the place I obtained it unsuitable and the way I could make it higher. It is a spot the place though there are not any spoken guidelines, we all know that loyalty is the number one rule.

TMWT: Have you skilled it? and the way has it made you are feeling?

Queen Raffy: I’ve been lucky to expertise true friendship and it has made me really feel seen, heard, beloved and alive.

TMWT: What are some friendship pink flags you’ll advise girls to watch out for?

Queen Raffy: One pink flag I’d say is to beware of somebody who solely reaches out after they want one thing. Another one is to beware of somebody who needs to know all that’s occurring with you whereas they by no means disclose something about what is going on with them. Finally, somebody who solely talks about different individuals in a unfavorable means is clearly displaying a friendship pink flag.

TMWT: How do you assume real friendships may also help to enhance our lives as girls?

Queen Raffy: A real feminine friendship improves your life in a number of methods. Firstly, it helps to know that your fellow lady isn’t all the time out to compete or outdo you. It additionally lets you be open-minded as you’ll be able to see points from angles that aren’t simply from your individual expertise. True friendship additionally helps to enhance your psychological well being as you’ll be able to unburden your self to somebody and know that they’d offer you sound recommendation like you’ll do for them versus simply preserving all of it in.

People that make the whole lot look like a contest clearly show a friendship pink flag

– Neemah Musa

Neemah Musa

TMWT: What is your definition of real feminine friendship? What does it seem like?

Neemah Musa: My definition of real feminine friendships can be a small group of ladies dedicated to serving to and seeing one another develop.

TMWT: Have you skilled it? and the way has it made you are feeling?

Neemah Musa: True feminine friendships are absolute bliss. Just understanding that these individuals all the time have my again and are genuinely desirous to see me grow to be the most effective model of myself leaves me with this heat fuzzy feeling.

TMWT: What are some friendship pink flags you’ll advise girls to watch out for?

Neemah Musa: People that make the whole lot look like a contest, individuals that you may’t have first rate conversations with on subjects y’all don’t agree on and lastly individuals that you just don’t really feel protected with or round.

TMWT: How do you assume real friendships may also help to enhance our lives as girls?

Neemah Musa: I consider that real feminine friendships are of utmost significance in each lady’s life as simply having individuals you’ll be able to depend upon in your downtime brings a number of aid. The lifetime of a girl can be so much simpler when you could have a powerful group the place you’ll be able to share life experiences with out the concern of being ridiculed or judged. Women already undergo a lot, so a bunch of buddies/ group would supply her with a way of belonging and all the time remind her that she’s by no means alone.

Socio-culturally, now we have been made to consider that feminine friendship comes with envy, jealousy and betrayal however I don’t agree. If you discover the appropriate individuals and so they allow you to develop, keep on with them. It’s not all poisonous feminine aura on a regular basis.

– Zahra Simpa

Zahra Simpa

TMWT: What is your definition of real feminine friendship? What does it seem like?

Zahra: True feminine friendship is love and it appears to be like like love. It is the purest and most real type of love I’ve ever skilled.

TMWT: Have you skilled it? and the way has it made you are feeling?

Zahra: Growing up, I by no means noticed myself having the highly effective group of buddies I’ve proper now, however as I grew older, I understood the importance of friendship. Sometimes it seems like I stole a leprechaun’s pot of gold. Whenever I’m surrounded by my buddies, I’m at my greatest. We have been buddies for a really very long time and truthfully, I wouldn’t change them for the world. Socio-culturally, now we have been made to consider that feminine friendship comes with envy, jealousy and betrayal however I don’t agree. If you discover the appropriate individuals and so they allow you to develop, keep on with them. It’s not all poisonous feminine aura on a regular basis. I thank the almighty on daily basis for the sort of buddies He has given me. Though now we have totally different faiths, I like that we match like a jigsaw puzzle. This is to my girls, Abigail Maikano, Precious Bawa and Aisha Buba. I like you guys immensely. Thank you for being part of me.

Juwairiyya, UK

TMWT: What is your definition of real feminine friendship? What does it seem like?

Juwairiyya: For me, true feminine friendships are initially a “No-Judgement” zone. Being capable of chortle and name one another out on their nonsense can also be essential however extra importantly, is acceptance of who an individual actually is…True feminine friendship is loving one another in all conditions. It’s being supportive, being listener and celebrating each other Your buddies are a mirrored image of your character so having good buddies who remind you of God, who you’ll be able to study from and who’re good, kind-hearted, respectful and well-mannered is a big blessing.

TMWT: Have you skilled it? and the way has it made you are feeling?

Juwairiyya: As a baby, I didn’t have any buddies and it wasn’t till I obtained into secondary faculty between the age of 11 and 16 that I made such superb buddies. Most of them are Muslims from totally different backgrounds. Although they’re all British born, a few of them are from Libya, Morocco, Algeria, Mauritius and Pakistan. We have maintained and nurtured our friendships particularly since I moved sixth varieties. Even as adults, we find time for each other and prepare dinner dates. I’m so grateful and blessed to have such unimaginable Muslim girls as my buddies and to have seen us all develop and blossom into the ladies we’re

The Muslim Women Times

TMWT is a web based media platform spotlighting the tales of Muslim girls of the previous and current. We goal to be one of the crucial authoritative and informative guides to what’s occurring on this planet of Muslim girls. We hope to cowl key points, spark debates, progressive concepts and provocative subjects to get the Muslim world speaking. We wish to set agendas and discover concepts to enhance the lives and wellbeing of Muslim Women.


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